It's been awhile.... I can't honestly say that I missed this little blog. I missed my blogger friends and my readers, but what a refreshing break it's been during the last couple of months to not write blog posts regularly.
I've been going through a bit of a burnout, and I'm finally feeling better. Have you guys ever felt this way? Like, you want to crawl under the covers and stay there for a week vegging out on potato chips, binge watching Netflix and not having to take care of anyone or anything? Okay, if you haven't then you are lucky, and you can keep reading to gain insight on how to possibly help someone who does feel this way, or click out because this post isn't for you.
Mommy burnout is for real! This is so important that I feel like I have to share my experience in case it helps even one person. As a stay-at-home mom, my life has literally revolved around Corbin and Lynley since their birth. I've spent the majority of my days for the last two years completely consumed by them. That's what I signed up for, so I'm not complaining. But bear with me... There came a point where I just couldn't breathe. I so desperately needed a break. I felt that I had lost who I was. Me, Steffany. I knew who I was as a mother and who I was as a wife, but I felt like something deep inside my soul was missing.
Early this fall, I thought maybe I was ready to go back to work. First, I started an online grad school program at The George Washington University to finally obtain the master's degree in Strategic Public Relations that I've been dreaming about, and we enrolled the twins in a private preschool. I also began job searching while I continued to do freelance writing and also work on a special project for the governor's office. It was the hardest two months of my life. And the hardest for my kids too. I was even more tired than I had been even though I was getting a break from the child watching. They got sick a lot, which led to multiple ear infections. The school didn't stay consistent with potty teaching, so all of my hard work getting them trained early, flew out the window. The list of issues goes on. Although, I hate that it took me two months to see the signs that going back to work was not the answer to my burnout, I am glad that I had the chance to test it out and realize working away from home is not for me, at least right now. In the grand scheme of things two months seems pretty small, and I'm thankful it was a short "hell" for us all!
Since we've all been home together again, things have gotten better, but slowly. We've finally reached the end of the road in the reoccurring ear infection saga, and my babes are 100% healthy. That helps a lot! We have our amazing babysitter back who helped out so much during the summer. She is truly a blessing, and is coming two or three times per week. But most of all, I think what has helped me overcome the burnout is to accept this season in life and give it the 150% that I always give everything. I'm done thinking about how I wish I could just step away for five minutes or actually eat lunch before 3pm or take a shower or have the energy to want to take a shower. Ewww, I know! But what I mean is that I am content with how hard it is to find a few minutes for me. Not saying that I don't complain every now and then, I still do. But for the most part, I just focus on filling my day with Corbin and Lynley with love, laughter and learning.
I started embracing this time in my life because I was tired of feeling so down and out. I took a long hard look and just realized that being wife and mom is truly all that I want right now. I looked back on the last two years of the babies' lives and realized that I was the happiest when I was not trying to fill my free time with things for myself like freelancing or grad school. I am my best self when I am just in the moment with my children and my husband. And when I am living a God-centered life. So I will take my break when they go to sleep at night, even if sometimes I'm too tired to do more than lie down on the couch and watch tv. All of my crazy, Pinterest projects can wait another day. The laundry can wait another day. The floors can stay littered with toys and puzzles and crumbs. Because all of that means my children had a great day, and at the end of the day that is my purpose- to make sure they always have a great day!